See Nola

 4/26/11 Bourbon St. 9:21am

Hansen's Sno-Bliz

4801 Tchoupitoulas St. (Uptown) 504.891.9788. Cash only. Update: Hansen's is open for the 2011 season! Open in the summer (roughly: Jazz Fest to Labor Day). Tuesday through Sunday: 1pm to 7pm. Okay -- the final proof that we are brain-addled is that we can and do have strong opinions about shaved ice plus sugar water. Our feeling is this: Hansen's is the best. All the other neighborhood homers eventually bow down, and get in line. Every three feet Hansen's has a sign that reminds you that "There is No Shortcut to Quality." Maybe it's meant to mollify while you endure long lines plus uptown frat boys. And the truth is: the lines are long, mild irritation often sets in. So it is that much more of a testament ... the. best. ever. They work the tried and true syrups into new and successful combinations. And they put it over ice that has been shaved into snow. We debate whether it is the blade, or the technique or the temperature of the ice (it is the temperature of the ice), but the truth is that you can sit next to a frat boy riffing on a Dave Matthews song and almost love him if you have a Hansen's in your hand. 

Three Muses

536 Frenchmen St (Marigny) 504.298.8746. Credit Cards. No video poker. No smoking. 4pm to 'till. Closed Tuesday. What's our problem? Our problem is that we'd rather sit in an old New Orleans restaurant with outdated decor, a menu that hasn't changed since the 40s and sip cheap gin and tonics. Oh, our problem is that we want to live in a museum! No, exactly the opposite. Museums take things out of context and display them. Our love is living in context, in the aging, impossible, 60-year-old doddering busboy, decaying New Orleans with bad carpet and a dishwasher that moonlights as a bookie. Enter Three Muses, a small plates restaurant that pays tribute to New Orleans decadence with red velvet curtains, gilded mirrors and lots of stained wood -- all of it pleasantly maintained. The brass hooks for purses under the bar is a nice touch. And yet contemporary bare bulb lighting and cement floors point to maybe a gastropub in the northeast or a cafe/bar hybrid in San Francisco. Truthfully it's exactly the kind of place we sort of avoid. But this is why you should not: the kitchen is fantastic, incredible. Even when the small restaurant (12 or so tables plus seating for 10 at the bar) is slammed they manage to put out thoughtful, consistent food -- food which is carefully composed, perfectly cooked, mouthwatering. We love the lamb sliders topped with delicious tomato chutney. The lemon ice box pie is probably the best in the city. There were six vegetarian options the last time we visited -- a minor miracle in NOLA. The bar has fancy booze (like St. Germain). Get drunk artisan-style with their house-made tonic. In short, the owners care about the details and they have great taste. There's a sticker over one of the bar cash registers. It reads: "Acceptance." And so we accept that there will be new places in New Orleans and we accept that we can like and even love many of these thriving, contemporary establishments (even though many of these spots attract older professionals, overly self-conscious transplants and people who care way too much about bike trails). Live music every night. Good wine and beer selection. Casual.

Lost Love Lounge

2529 Dauphine St. (Marigny) Credit Cards. Hours unclear. Recently, the new owners of Lost Love got rid of the false ceiling, revealing tall (plaster?) New Orleans ceilings, which makes this popular bar much less smoky and much more comfortable. Large bookshelf and pool table and board games. Drink specials almost daily, and cool events like spelling bees and readings. More importantly the drinks are affordable and they have a real jukebox. College students, hipsters, young people and neighborhood folks. The last few times we visited there was a good ratio of neighborhood people to tourists, clueless youth. There's a food place attached that may or may not serve Vietnamese food -- we have yet to try. 

 8/19/10 Victory Ave. 1:14pm. 

The Hermes Bar at Antoine's

713 Saint Louis St. (French Quarter) 504.581.4422. 7 Days: 11:00am to 'till. Credit Cards. A member of the Comus Mardi Gras Krewe took one look at the new bar (and it will be called "new" for the next thirty years) and said, "This is not befitting of Antoine's," and walked out. Such is the pseudo-aristocratic ridiculousness that perfumes Antoine's old but incredibly beautiful 19th century dining rooms. It's called the Hermes Bar, after the Hermes dining room it displaced, and it is the first stand-alone bar in the restaurant's history. Thus, the controversy. With a separate entrance to the street, The Hermes Bar gives the unwashed masses a backdoor into the rarefied world of drunk lawyers, gorgeous surroundings, pleasant wait staff and might-have-been food. Food tastes better when we're wasted, but no martini could help the food we sampled. The full menu is available from the bar. By any measure the Oyster Rockefeller (famously, their invention) and Oyster Foch (not-so famously, their invention) were miserable, stale, brutal. This made us feel miserable. We don't need another reminder that New Orleans, in many cases, is just a bad charcoal rubbing of what was. The bar is an okay place get drunk, but high prices and the display of souvenirs (shot glasses, aprons, hats, cookbooks) give the air of well-groomed tourist trap. Live music on weekends disconnect the Hermes Bar further from its ritzy mise-en-scene, pushing it into the realm a "bar near Bourbon Street for men who like to wear pastel shorts out at night." The nice wood finishes, history, classic drinks and a beautiful mosaic floor, however, are enough reasons to take a peak. Good lighting for a date. Unofficial dress code of jackets preferred, but they'll let in anybody...even us. 

 8/13/10 Royal St. 10:44am.

Capdeville

520 Capdeville St. (Central Business District) 504.371.5161. Monday through Thursday: 11am to 2pm; 5pm to 11pm. Friday: 11am to 1am. Saturday: 10am to 2pm; 6pm to 1am. "Gastropubs" are all over the coasts. We think New Orleans has two, now. Uptown we have the Delachaise, and downtown we have the just-opened Capdeville. The theme is British Pub -- black bead board walls, a bar crest and retro light fixtures. Especially attractive is the bar, topped with a slab of cool white marble. Nine dollar specialty cocktails take care of the Oakley-sunglasses-perched-in-gelled-hair-with-ironed-polo-shirt set. This is, after all, a bar for the fratty/professional crowd -- a crowd that lives and works in the surrounding Central Business District. A real jukebox filled with gems competes with loud, late-night conversation. Everything in this bar has a plan and that plan is well executed down to the delicious comfort food. We go for the burger topped with blue cheese and crisp red onions ("Black and Bleu Burger"). The ceviche appetizer with tortilla chips was fresh, delicious. Of course, the best bars are where the words "theme" and "business plan" are terminally hemmed in by quotes. But you can't have everything. Brunch Saturday morning. No video poker.

8/4/10 North Lopez St. 12:08 PM.

Theo's Neighborhood Pizza

4218 Magazine St. (Mid-City) 504.894.8554. Credit Cards. Monday through Saturday: 11:00am to 10:00pm. Sunday: Noon to 9pm. There are cities that obsess over their fast food. Best Pizza! Best Hot Dog! World Famous Bratwurst! Whatever. New Orleans has terrible pizza. The New Orleans legacy for terrible pizza probably comes from "Creole Italian" starring ingredients that are canned, powdered and stewed. In any case, on Tuesdays Theo's has a special, which puts all their draft beer at $1.00 a pint (Blue Moon and other fancy beers included). It starts at five and ends at close. The pizza tastes really good on these Tuesday nights. The Theo's Stuffed Breadsticks (pepper-jack chesse, jalapenos) are an added plus. Families, cement floors, friendly staff.   

6/23/10 Barracks St. 9:10 AM